Vayera
(יא) וַיֹּאמֶר אַבְרָהָם כִּי אָמַרְתִּי רַק אֵין יִרְאַת אֱלֹקים בַּמָּקוֹם הַזֶּה וַהֲרָגוּנִי עַל דְּבַר אִשְׁתִּי: בראשית פרק כ'
“I thought,” said Avraham, “surely there is no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife. Bereishis 20:11
רש"י (יא) רק אין יראת אלקים - אכסנאי שבא לעיר, על עסקי אכילה ושתיה שואלין אותו או על עסקי אשתו שואלין אותו אשתך היא או אחותך היא:
SURELY THERE IS NO FEAR OF GOD — When a stranger arrives in a city do people ask him about what he would like to eat or to drink, or do they ask him about his wife—“Is this your wife?” or “Is this your sister?”
Thinking people hear things that other people do not hear.
Rav Shach, ztz”l, explains that the average person would have thought that the Avimelech and his team were simply inquiring about whether Sarah was single, and if she was, they would see if someone wanted to marry her, and if she wasn’t then not. Avraham Avinu, the master thinker as we noted last week, understood that their question displayed a lack of derech eretz, and as such was not a simple inquiry, but a display or poor midos that can lead to murder. Their words did not go over Avraham’s head, they went into his head, and he immediately realized the lack of derech eretz and the inherent danger.
Researchers disagree as to the actual percentages, but when interpreting emotional intent, intimacy, or deception, nonverbal cues heavily dominate over the explicit verbal content. So, if we don’t learn to listen and think at the same time, we are missing between 1/3 and 2/3 of what people are saying, including many of the most important parts. At best, it’s a pity. At worst, like with the Avimelechs of the world, it can be a matter of life and death.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Goldberg