Toldos
ויגדלו הנערים, רבי לוי אמר משל להדס ועצבונית שהיו גדילים זה על גבי זה וכיון שהגדילו והפריחו זה נותן ריחו וזה חוחו כך כל י"ג שנה שניהם הולכים לבית הספר ושניהם באים מבית הספר, לאחר י"ג שנה זה היה הולך לבתי מדרשות וזה היה הולך לבתי עבודת כוכבים. (בראשית רבה פרשה סג סימן י)
The lads grew – Rabbi Levi said: This is analogous to a myrtle and a thorn bush that grew adjacent to one another. When they grew and blossomed, this one produced its fragrance and that one produced its thorns. So, all thirteen years, both of them (Eisav and Yaakov) would go to school and both of them would come from school. After thirteen years, this one would go to study halls, and that one would go to houses of idol worship.
The Medrash in this week’s Parasha compares Yaakov and Eisav to a thorn bush and a myrtle that are planted together. Until they grow and blossom, it is difficult to discern which is which. However, once they mature the myrtle gives forth its pleasant odor while the thorn bush grows its thorns. So too, until they were thirteen the Medrash says that Yaakov and Eisav both went to school and both seemed to be fine, but once they became Bar Mitzva, Eisav went to the bais avoda zara while Yaakov went to the Bais Medrash. The Mizrachi in his pairush on Rashi asks based on the medrash at the beginning of the parasha, which says that already in utero, Eisav was going one way and Yaakov the other. So if this was true before they were born, then certainly it was true even before age thirteen. In addition, the medrash later in the parasha says that Eisav did not turn to his evil ways until the age of fifteen, after the petira of Avraham Avinu. Yet in our medrash it says that he was already off the derech at thirteen.
The pairush Nezer HaKodesh on Bereishis Rabba answers the questions of the Mizrachi in a manner that shows how important it is to think deeply about our children from their very earliest years. He explains that while it was true that from birth Yaakov and Eisav were different, the differences were mostly latent, apparent only to a very watchful and discerning eye. It was only once they reached Bar Mitzva age that their differing latent natures became actualized. Even then, for two years, until the death of Avraham, Eisav did not actively pursue his lustful, murderous and apikorsus ways, he just showed an interest in them, hung around those types of people and places, checked out their websites and YouTube channels, etc. Only once Avraham was niftar, when Eisav was fifteen, did he pursue his natural proclivities full force.
Here is something worth using our minds for—really “seeing” our kids. In the words of the Nezer HaKodesh are we “mashgiach haitiv b’inyano—paying close attention to their ways?” Do we notice, in his words, “what is attracting their interest?” While it is indeed surprising that this lack of parental insight could be attributed to the likes of Yitzchak Avinu, still in the early 1700’s the Nezer HaKodesh did say it, so it remains for us to learn from it and take it to heart and mind.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Goldberg